Taking One for the Team
by Melkor'sOnlyLieutenant
Summary: Think even the people of Mordor can't self-sacrifice? Well, think again! There is one Very Special Orc who sacrifices himself, all for a battle they will never win. Somewhat sadder than my other LOTR fanfics, but still humorous.


**So, this one is not quite as funny as my other ones have been, but that's because it has some sympathy toward that Orc in the movie. This is what happens when I remember that torch scene from Helm's Deep, which makes my hysterical each time I see it. This was supposed to be only humor, but somehow turned into humor with some depressing parts, including the ending. Poor Orc. By the way, my OC Maia has a name now. It's Aedh, which, according to a website I found, is Ancient Irish for "fire". It's a cool name... I hope this still makes you laugh, even with the serious parts in it! **

**Disclaimer: Own Lord of the Rings? Ha, that's funny! No, no, Tolkien owns that. I am merely an amateur writer who loves his work. **

**Taking One for the Team**

**Mordor: Sometime during the War of the Ring.**

It was a beautiful day in Mordor. The sky was overcast with clouds of gloom, and the air was filled with an aura of doom. (A/N: A beautiful, poetic rhyme, eh?). The barren land was looking especially desolate on that special day. The Orcs were all soon to be off for Helm's Deep. It was a wonderful opportunity to relieve some stress of the War by slaughtering innocents. If successful, it would hold a special place in their hearts.

Of course, our heroes did face one problem (besides Saruman betraying Lord Sauron and all, but that's beside the point): how would they breach Helm's Deep's defenses? Oh, surely they could (and would) cut down any opposition (these guys are the best of the best, after all) but they had to get past The Wall. The Wall being that big, stone wall that pretty much prevented the Orcs from getting into the fortress and really getting to the good stuff: annihilating all the poor, innocent souls within, of course!

But fear not! For Lord Sauron-the-giant-Eye had an idea. A wonderful idea. One that would ensure them victory! And it all boils down to one Very Special Orc…

The Very Special Orc (he's a distant relative to the Head Orc, you know) was not happy. Why was he not happy, you might ask? Well, he was just told by a Maia from the future Mordor Tours that he was going to bring down The Wall for them. Now, normally this would be fine; it might even be an honor. But, when it came down to _exactly _how the Very Special Orc was to do that, it suddenly became much less appealing.

"It's a sacrifice for the cause!" the Maia declared. "You should be honored; you're going to ensure our victory!"

"But I'm going to blow myself up…" the Very Special Orc protested.

Now, one mustn't think the Very Special Orc was a coward. Oh heavens no. He was a brave little Orc (Well, maybe not so little). He had slaughtered Elves, Men, and Dwarves! He had brought his enemy's heads back on a pike! He was fearsome! …But he was very attached to _staying alive_ and being blown up did not seem like the best death in the word. Like any intelligent Orc, his first priority was to save his hide.

Alas, he was merely a simple Orc, even if he was Very Special. This bossy Maia was higher ranked then him, and was acting on orders from Lord Sauron-the-giant-Eye, who was _defiantly _higher ranked then him. If he refused his Special Mission… well, being blown up would seem like a pleasant picnic in a park compared to the consequences. There was no way he'd get out of it. But he could _try_.

"Besides, this will look too much like the Olympics. Won't people laugh at what's supposed to be a very serious scene?" the Very Special Orc continued.

Bossy Maia frowned. "Is _that _all you're worried about? You're an Orc, for cripe's sake! Man… er, Orc up! It's an honor! An honor, I tell you! And you think you've got it bad? Try being me, where I'm paid less than even an Orc, and where I have to do all the planning for the soon-to-be Mordor Tours! So, buck up, mister, and count your blessings!"

An inspiring pep talk indeed.

And what exactly was our Very Special Orc going to do? Why, he was going to blow up The Wall of course! Now, I wouldn't want to bore you all with the details of how they were going to blow it up. Just suffice it to say that it involved the Very Special Orc, a giant torch, and lots and lots of that powder that helps blow stuff up!

See where this is headed?

Anyways, the Very Special Orc had no choice but to accept his mission. So, the Very Special Orc sadly went off to prepare for the battle. Knowing that never again was he to see Mordor, never again was he to slaughter helpless prey, never again was he to knock off the heads of his rivals, never again was he to torture an Elf, and… well, you get the idea.

And the Maia? Well, he actually did feel sorry for the Very Special Orc, but he couldn't do anything about it. After all, this was an order from Lord Sauron-the-giant-Eye, and his orders were Supreme. So, all the Maia could do was give the Very Special Orc a pep talk and hope he'd just resign himself to the task. After all, the Maia did give very good pep talks. They could inspire anyone to follow their dreams, to achieve new heights… and to blow themselves up in this case.

**Helm's Deep: Sometime during the Battle of Helm's Deep.**

The Very Special Orc had his Important Torch. The Important Torch was lit. The battle was ranging on. The Very Special Orc was running. He was running dramatically, epically, heroically in slow motion toward the spot where they would breach The Wall. He somehow managed to avoid all the fighting around him, receiving nary an injury. He magically didn't get hit by all the arrows that crazy blonde Elf kept shooting at him. Which was odd, since said Elf was usually a great shot, and it often defied movie logic for the good guys to ever miss their target. Fate must have been smiling on the Very Special Orc. Either that, or blondie was losing his touch. (So much for the legendary bow and arrow skills of an Elf).

Dramatic music played! Arrows flew! Swords clashed! The Very Special Orc, looking kind of like an Olympic torch runner, made his way toward his goal, one step closer to his destiny! This was his Special Mission, and he. Could. Not. Mess. It. Up! One step closer. He would, he decided, quite smoothly and epically fling that torch into the spot when he was close enough. One step closer. He would go out with a bang, alright, but as dignified a bang as an Orc could get. One... step… closer… He would…

…And an arrow (the Elf _finally _managed to get his target) snagged the Very Special Orc on the shoulder. The Very Special Orc quite un-epically stumbled and fell face first into his goal, along with the torch.

And The Wall blew up.

**After the Battle.**

Alas, the heroic efforts of the Very Special Orc all came to naught. Despite having the upper hand, the Orcs lost. Gandalf came with reinforcements, than the Ents joined, which really made the battle unfair. And so, it was another battle lost for the Mordor Team! Looks like it was back to the drawing board…

And the Very Special Orc? He was forgotten already, just another Orc that died in battle. He didn't even get a grave.


End file.
